(818) 297- 0267 abi@lovehypnotherapy.com

DEAR ABI...

You know how when challenges come up in life, you are sometimes embarassed to ask someone about them? Or maybe when you are trying to make a decision and all your friends think you’re crazy? Or perhaps you just need confirmation that it’s okay to follow your heart? That’s what this page is for! Submit your question or challenge and have Abi advise you on the best way to move forward!

Dear Abi,

I have been teaching for 27 years and just turned 50. There have been so many changes in education in the past 4 years in regards to technology, student collaboration, student lead classrooms etc. that I have lost my self-confidence. I feel lost, old and like time is passing and I’m not moving. I have a lot of anxiety and depression. I used to LOVE my job and now I can’t say that anymore. I feel paralyzed and I don’t know how to fix it.

J.H.

Saugus, CA

Dear J.H.,

I am so sorry for what you’re going through right now. To move from a place where you are so happy in life to feeling lost is incredibly painful and uncomfortable. I applaud your first step in even being willing to face your truth. Good start! 

I’m going to go out on a limb and say you’re probably not the only teacher… or even person who’s feeling this way. I know that my 10 year old knows how to use technology so much better than I do and even I feel lost sometimes. Acknowledging how you’re feeling is the first step to moving forward, and finding out you’re not alone is the next step. In fact, when I searched this topic on the internet I found 5 support groups in just a few minutes for people with anxiety about getting left behind by technology. You’re definitely not alone! Obviously, the changes you’re facing are broader than that, but I’m sure it’s a major contributing factor.

It sounds like your anxiety and depression is coming from voices that are telling you that you are obsolete and no longer have a valuable place in society. Those voices couldn’t be farther from the truth! Teaching is the most important job, bar none, because you are molding the future generations. Not even changes in technology, class configurations, politics or lack of funding can dimish how important you are to our kids and our future. Your insecurities are simply getting in the way of what you know you are good at! Time to put them back in their place! 

Write a list of all the things you love or have loved about teaching.

Write a list of all the things you are good at with regards to teaching. 

Write a list of all the things that are painful about teaching.

Write a list of all the insecurities or obstacles you have about your ability as a teacher. Then compare your lists. 

Go through your last list and put a check mark next to all the things you cannot control. Those are already being handled by the powers that be! Next to the remaining point, write down 1-3 solutions of how you can get passed those challenges. 

It’s time to take your power back. With things moving and changing so fast, you seem to have adopted the limiting belief that you are out of control of your life, when in reality, nothing could be further from the truth. You are the only one who has control of your life, and your life is the only thing you can control. You always have the choice of moving on if teaching is not something you can fall in love with again. And before you say it, there’s no such thing as too old! Colonel Sanders was 56 when he invented the KFC recipe. One of my clients decided to learn a new language at 80. You are capable at whatever YOU decide you are. Make sure you reach out for support, as you have done today. You don’t have to suffer alone, and you definitely don’t have to stay stuck. EVERYONE has the right to be perfectly and blissfully happy, ESPECIALLY you <3 Good luck! 

Sincerely,

Abi

Dear Abi,

I’m just starting to date after getting out of a long marriage and I feel like I’m totally out of touch with dating. Guys are expecting me to split the check, not a single one has even opened the door and one of them even expected me to pick him up. Is this what the dating world has come to? I hope not because I’m considering giving my ex another chance, just to end this nightmare!

E.H.

Los Angeles

Dear E.H.,

I totally get it! It’s rough out there, especially when you’ve gotten used to things a certain way with someone. Being comfortable with discomfort feels like a step up from being uncomfortable with discomfort.

Firstly, if you think that there’s a chance your relationship can be mended I say try that first! We underestimate how difficult it can be to work on a long-term relationship. When things get rough, especially if there are tools we haven’t tried and resources we haven’t explored, then it may be worth taking a look at those things. BUT if you are only considering getting back with your ex out of fear that you may not find your person, or to avoid the discomfort of putting yourself out there… DON’T YOU DARE! Obviously, I don’t know the ins and outs of your marriage, but if it got so bad that you decided to walk away, that is something really important to consider. It wouldn’t be fair for him or you if you settled with him, out of fear. Not again!

Now, let’s tackle the world of dating. Things have definitely changed. Some men have become complacent, because they’re used to getting exactly what they want. Some are just confused as to what’s expected of them because every woman has a different set of expectations and can get wildly offended if their expectations are not met. Have some patience with them! They are not bad or mean-natured, all their good training was trained out of them by too little consistency and confusion. It is the woman who sets the tone at the beginning of every romantic encounter. Teach them how to treat you, simply by responding positively to things that make you happy, like holding the door, paying for dinner, helping with your chair. Let them pursue you, let them call you, let them pick you up and under NO CIRCUMSTANCES do you pay for anything on at least the first three dates. This is not a friendship or a business partnership, this is courtship. If they say or do something that you don’t like, just take some distance. There’s no need to get upset, there’s no need to yell or cry. Just step away, and see how they respond. I have a really great book suggestion that will really help you… e-mail me and I’ll get it to you. Good luck, and don’t give up!

Sincerely,

Abi

Dear Abi,

When are you going to give an educational, hypnotherapy talk in San Diego ?

B.H.

San Diego

Dear B.H.,

I really appreciate your feedback! I frequently do presentations all over Southern California. I don’t have one scheduled right now, but I’ll make sure to post when I do. In the meantime, feel free to follow me on Facebook and YouTube for live and recorded videos.

And let me know if you ever have any specific questions. 😉

Have an amazing day,

Sincerely,

Abi

Dear Abi,

I’ve just started my new business, which I’m so excited about! It’s on my mind 24/7 and I find myself getting distracted at work. Sometimes I feel so frustrated that I can’t work on my business full time. I don’t feel like I have time to do both. Should I just quit my job and focus on my passion?

T.C.

Santa Clarita

Dear T.C.,

Oh man, congratulations! That’s so exciting! I’m so proud of you for striking out on your own and starting your own thing. It’s super exciting when you claim a piece of terrirtory in the business world for yourself, and doubly so when it’s something that you feel passionate about, which it sounds like you do. Being a business owner myself, with a business that I live and breathe, I can say without a doubt, I HAVE BEEN THERE!

But T.C. please listen very closely now… ABSOLUTELY NOT! According to a study by Forbes Magazine 8 out of 10 business fail in the first 18 months. I, myself, started 4 businesses that failed before I found hypnotherapy. I’m not dooming your fledgling venture to failure, I’m just saying prepare for the worst, expect the best!

The next couple of years are going to be the hardest you’ve ever worked in your life! Designate days/ hours/ nights when you focus on your business to alleviate frustration. Take a day off here and there if you need to as you are growing it. When I was growing my practice I took one day off every two weeks to see all my clients. When that wasn’t enough, I started taking one day off a week.

Keep focused at work on doing your absolute best. Don’t steal clients. Don’t burn bridges. Keeping your integrity at the forefront of everything you do will serve you for the rest of your life.

The magic number that you want to be focused on is 75%. When you are making 75% of what you make in your day job, in your business, it’s time to take the leap. It’s not a wise choice to leave a steady income for an inconsistent one with no back-up plan. It would be even better if you did so with a three month emergency fund in place. Desperation stinks, literally. People can smell it a mile away, and you will lose business and your joy if you put the weight of carrying your household on the back of your baby business.

Get very organized, create a plan that you can work consistently and calculate a realistic date by which you can turn in the towel. You’ll probably find you’ll be ready months earlier, you’ll feel much better about the way you have set yourself up, and it will help you to stay motivated knowing that there’s an end in sight.

Good luck!! And keep us posted!

Abi

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